Christmas Goodies!
Don't wait! Open now!
(With so many New Kids joining our Substack Gang of Rabble Rousers since last Christmas (and thankyouverymuch!), here’s last year’s “Gift” you missed)
Comedy – the Greatest Gift of All!
Charles Darwin said Humans were the only species that laughed (and a few other things!)
One thing (for me) to be Merry about this time of year is being retired from Music Radio.
Even in my latter DJ days, most music stations were already trending “Christmas Music – 24/7” starting right after Bird Day. At least back then, we played Christmas Music. Today, I am unable to define the nature or locate what phylum passes for ‘current air play’. Sadly, Jill (Not a Doctor) Biden’s recently released “White House Christmas” abomination provides a video of that which should not be verbally described in mixed company. Adele et al notwithstanding, today’s ‘pop music’ is more shouting than singing. Those actually attempting to sing spend their vocal efforts searching for a note actually represented somewhere on the Chromatic scale. And fail.
But enough about dissonance! Here’s some Christmas gifts of Comedy and Music you can even sing along! At the end, there’s even a new Christmas Tradition you may want to try!
Now, these are not traditional tunes you’ve heard so often you know them backwards and in Latin. No, these two ‘gifts’ you may have never heard before. Even if you have, they sure aren’t being aired anywhere today and you’ll enjoy hearing them again!
Gift #1
If you share my sense of contrarian humor, you’ll get kick out of this one by occasional stand-up comic Kip Addotta, circa 1989. It burned out some station phone lines and was banned at many until enough people listened to the whole thing and heard it for the satire it is. I suspect the Woke Folk today would not appreciate it even if they understood it. No sense of humor!
Gift #2
If you have my appreciation for Sarcasm as a second language and Irony as an art form, this is the ultimate Christmas song. I admired Tom Lehrer’s work from early on (late ‘50’s) and finally got the chance to interview him (early 00’s) on KSFO/San Francisco. Sadly, there is no air check of that great conversation! Now 95 and still living in the Bay area, I’d wager he is still a genuine curmudgeon today! Here is “A Christmas Carol”.
Finally, here is a Christmas “tradition” I invented when the kids were young(er). You can start it at your place - even at this late date!
We weren’t into the “Santa Claus” thing. Call it “overly pragmatic”. Actually, what it really was: I didn’t want to lie to my kids nor did I want them getting all starry-eyed over a make-believe dude who magically bestowed many of the things they wished for while the Old Man faced the “joy” of burgeoning AmEx bills in January. Knowing Who, How, and Where their goodies came from directed all that appreciation and affection where it rightfully belonged and strengthened the family accordingly. Now that they’re all parents themselves, they continue the Wilson Tradition with their kids.
Here’s the way it works.
Every year, there was always the One Big Present talked about since school started: Pony, computer, stereo, gun, car! Hints dropped like bowling balls at every opportunity. Once secured, they’re seriously hidden. (My brother and sister and I searched diligently when we were kids. No luck. I figured my kids would do the same. They did. No luck.)
On Christmas morning, after the other presents were opened, everyone went to the tree to find their Personal Envelope. Inside was a note that might read “Look under the couch” and the kid would scamper over to the couch, looking, feeling and eventually finding…another envelope. “Look under your little brother’s pillow”. Off she or he went. Game on!
You get the picture: Maybe an hour passed with all 4 kids racing here, there, upstairs, attic, basement, bedrooms, under/behind various furniture, garage, car – wherever. Always another envelope, another search.
Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. Wilson enjoyed our coffee and watched the action.
Remarkably, they all found their Last Envelope about the same time. Of course, they didn’t know it was the Last so when that search ended with the box that contained the new rifle, stereo, wrist watch – screams and laughs broke out and the New Thing was paraded around, fondled, shared (sorta) with hugs and kisses galore. Merry Christmas, indeed!
Feel free to copy the plan! It makes for a great tradition – especially if you have kids and a camera handy!
The “kids” are all in their 50’s now, the Envelope Game has passed on while we have the bittersweet memories of Christmas History.
Thanks for reading this far! Hope you enjoy whatever Day you’re celebrating – even if it’s just Monday. At least we’re on the right side of the grass.
For the Die-Hard News Junkies (like me) who may be looking for my regular offering, here’s some links to some compelling reading you may have missed…
HA! Good idea! So simple even a DC bureaucrat could understand, I'll fwd it to SoS Blinken.
Wait!
Very funny videos. The Envelope Game could perhaps be played with the millions of emigrants coming over the borders. Tell them that their first Welfare checks and Food Stamps are in an envelope in Haiti.