PS: I stayed near my kids for 18 years after the divorce in Seattle. I hated the rain and only seeing them maybe 4 days a month, but I did it. Then I left for California when the boy and girl were in college. Hell, I was paying for the college and the kids didn't need or want me around anymore.
But they resented me leaving Seattle and starting a new life in California. Their mom divorced husband #2 and then died 6 years ago of cancer.
Husband #2 is an alcoholic in a nursing home, and so with the boy and girl in their forties... the whole family is gone, gone, gone. Neither my son or daughter married or had children. They couldn't afford it due to our crappy government and economic policies.
So I sit at night looking at one of those Himalayan Salt Crystal Lights drinking Amstel Light wondering what the fuck was it all for?
Hi Brian, great article! Ahh, us divorced fathers, with kids, in the 1970s is a tragedy that few talk about. Hell, I don't like talking about it.
I've come to dread Father's Day and Mother's Day and all the other "Days" invented by greedy greeting card companies selling guilt. The only holiday I like is St. Patrick's Day.
I could begin my comment with, “typical gold digger approach to marriage,” but then again, I could just as easily begin with, “chauvinistic, bloviating, absentee, uninterested,” etc. etc. etc.
The truth, like always, either lies somewhere in the middle, or somewhere completely unimportant, and unrelated. I’ve yet to find anyone who’s ever given me a good reason as to why they should cut down their ex-spouse in the eyes of their children, especially from those who repeatedly remind us that they genuinely love their children. If that were true, that they truly love them, they certainly wouldn’t say the things they do about their ex. If anything, they would lift them up in the eyes of their children, and then give their children spiritual support in understanding the truth about why their parent is absent, as in the case of your dear friend Marty; that’s where the real money was, doing the thing that he loved to do, and needed to do, for work. When you love your job, it’s never work, at least in terms of drudgery.
I had my own issues with my parents, (having been born the year before you went to Red Stick U., 1964,) and talk about people who should not have had children… woah buddy… zowwee! When it came time for their inevitable separation, they didn’t just put one another down, they came with shotguns, chains, knives, and whatever else could have fit in the trunk of the car, in order to make damned sure that we children knew beyond a shadow of a doubt about how messed up their partner, (our other parent,) had been. Funny thing is, they both married complete losers their second time around. Thankfully, by the time they did remarry, I was only a few years away from graduation in Lafayette.
I sure hope for Marty’s sake that his children come around to clearer thinking one day, and realize that everyone has their issues, both good and bad, and that maybe, just maybe, their eyesight gets a little clearer in how they regard the sacrifices that he made for them. Happy Father’s Day Professor, may it be a good one indeed. And since I did say so yesterday, Happy Flag Day, belatedly, as well.
Marty's kids are in their 50's. He has at least one grandchild he's never met - and he's in college. He's just "had" his 2nd great-grandchild. Someone sent him a pic. It's been 18 years since he spoke to his oldes; 7since he heard from his youngest. And they were tight when he was a kid. We are all pulling for Marty. I've considered calling the one I know best. But then, Butting Out is probably more adviseable...
When I first read your post, and as I was contemplating a reply, I thought about a couple of things you had mentioned, the year primarily. When you mentioned 1965, and children, I immediately realized that Marty would be at least in his mid to late 70s, as my parents are / would have been, in their 80s this year, having gotten married and began family life in ‘62. I realized further that Marty’s children would be in my peer group as well.
I turned 60 this past March, on the 80th anniversary of my mother’s own birthday, she was 20 the day I was born, and as I continued reading about Marty’s family life, I had a sinking feeling in my guts that he might never have reconciliation at this point in the game. For this fact alone, I’m saddened.
However, having lived 60 years already, I’ve seen some absolute miracles in my time, things which cannot be explained in the cold light of this world’s rationality.
It is for this reason alone that I’m an incurable optimist, and forever hopeful, especially when it comes to children, adult or otherwise, and why I even pray for those I do not know. I truly hope that he does have a measure of recompense from his children, and that there can be some enlightenment for everyone concerned.
I didn't tell Marty's complete story. I'm hoping he'll give me the green light to make it a book that will be informative to many. Suffice it to say, he sacrificed an education and career far away from radio for the sake of his first child. Based on your post, I suspect you can noodle out the essence. Whatever—I hope your optimism lands squarely on Marty and his kids soon.
Although such books could be a difficult process at best, writing is such an important part of many people’s life, particularly if they are writers. Yes, I actually did say that… 👀 It’s always good to have a project with which to let others know that you’re working, and being productive, even when the topic is one that may pose potential challenges.
That being said, it’s better to write than not, and even if it means you don’t necessarily have permission to write about a person, or their life, one can always take a different approach to the task by making it about themselves, and their own impressions about other people’s lives.
Will it make good material? Who’s to say that it will or won’t, and given both your cumulative experience, and your personal successes in writing, as well as your experience with your friendship with Marty, you’d know best.
I personally feel comfortable in saying that you would know better than most about what will, or won’t, work as subject matter. To which I say, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. At 60, if I’m going to write anything of substance in my life, then I had damned I well get started as well. Good luck, and cheers to you Professor.
PS: I stayed near my kids for 18 years after the divorce in Seattle. I hated the rain and only seeing them maybe 4 days a month, but I did it. Then I left for California when the boy and girl were in college. Hell, I was paying for the college and the kids didn't need or want me around anymore.
But they resented me leaving Seattle and starting a new life in California. Their mom divorced husband #2 and then died 6 years ago of cancer.
Husband #2 is an alcoholic in a nursing home, and so with the boy and girl in their forties... the whole family is gone, gone, gone. Neither my son or daughter married or had children. They couldn't afford it due to our crappy government and economic policies.
So I sit at night looking at one of those Himalayan Salt Crystal Lights drinking Amstel Light wondering what the fuck was it all for?
"Himalayan Salt Crystal Lights" - lemme no if they do any good!
BW: Makes a nice night light.
Hi Brian, great article! Ahh, us divorced fathers, with kids, in the 1970s is a tragedy that few talk about. Hell, I don't like talking about it.
I've come to dread Father's Day and Mother's Day and all the other "Days" invented by greedy greeting card companies selling guilt. The only holiday I like is St. Patrick's Day.
Jack Daniel's Birthday is one of mine....
I could begin my comment with, “typical gold digger approach to marriage,” but then again, I could just as easily begin with, “chauvinistic, bloviating, absentee, uninterested,” etc. etc. etc.
The truth, like always, either lies somewhere in the middle, or somewhere completely unimportant, and unrelated. I’ve yet to find anyone who’s ever given me a good reason as to why they should cut down their ex-spouse in the eyes of their children, especially from those who repeatedly remind us that they genuinely love their children. If that were true, that they truly love them, they certainly wouldn’t say the things they do about their ex. If anything, they would lift them up in the eyes of their children, and then give their children spiritual support in understanding the truth about why their parent is absent, as in the case of your dear friend Marty; that’s where the real money was, doing the thing that he loved to do, and needed to do, for work. When you love your job, it’s never work, at least in terms of drudgery.
I had my own issues with my parents, (having been born the year before you went to Red Stick U., 1964,) and talk about people who should not have had children… woah buddy… zowwee! When it came time for their inevitable separation, they didn’t just put one another down, they came with shotguns, chains, knives, and whatever else could have fit in the trunk of the car, in order to make damned sure that we children knew beyond a shadow of a doubt about how messed up their partner, (our other parent,) had been. Funny thing is, they both married complete losers their second time around. Thankfully, by the time they did remarry, I was only a few years away from graduation in Lafayette.
I sure hope for Marty’s sake that his children come around to clearer thinking one day, and realize that everyone has their issues, both good and bad, and that maybe, just maybe, their eyesight gets a little clearer in how they regard the sacrifices that he made for them. Happy Father’s Day Professor, may it be a good one indeed. And since I did say so yesterday, Happy Flag Day, belatedly, as well.
Marty's kids are in their 50's. He has at least one grandchild he's never met - and he's in college. He's just "had" his 2nd great-grandchild. Someone sent him a pic. It's been 18 years since he spoke to his oldes; 7since he heard from his youngest. And they were tight when he was a kid. We are all pulling for Marty. I've considered calling the one I know best. But then, Butting Out is probably more adviseable...
When I first read your post, and as I was contemplating a reply, I thought about a couple of things you had mentioned, the year primarily. When you mentioned 1965, and children, I immediately realized that Marty would be at least in his mid to late 70s, as my parents are / would have been, in their 80s this year, having gotten married and began family life in ‘62. I realized further that Marty’s children would be in my peer group as well.
I turned 60 this past March, on the 80th anniversary of my mother’s own birthday, she was 20 the day I was born, and as I continued reading about Marty’s family life, I had a sinking feeling in my guts that he might never have reconciliation at this point in the game. For this fact alone, I’m saddened.
However, having lived 60 years already, I’ve seen some absolute miracles in my time, things which cannot be explained in the cold light of this world’s rationality.
It is for this reason alone that I’m an incurable optimist, and forever hopeful, especially when it comes to children, adult or otherwise, and why I even pray for those I do not know. I truly hope that he does have a measure of recompense from his children, and that there can be some enlightenment for everyone concerned.
I didn't tell Marty's complete story. I'm hoping he'll give me the green light to make it a book that will be informative to many. Suffice it to say, he sacrificed an education and career far away from radio for the sake of his first child. Based on your post, I suspect you can noodle out the essence. Whatever—I hope your optimism lands squarely on Marty and his kids soon.
Although such books could be a difficult process at best, writing is such an important part of many people’s life, particularly if they are writers. Yes, I actually did say that… 👀 It’s always good to have a project with which to let others know that you’re working, and being productive, even when the topic is one that may pose potential challenges.
That being said, it’s better to write than not, and even if it means you don’t necessarily have permission to write about a person, or their life, one can always take a different approach to the task by making it about themselves, and their own impressions about other people’s lives.
Will it make good material? Who’s to say that it will or won’t, and given both your cumulative experience, and your personal successes in writing, as well as your experience with your friendship with Marty, you’d know best.
I personally feel comfortable in saying that you would know better than most about what will, or won’t, work as subject matter. To which I say, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. At 60, if I’m going to write anything of substance in my life, then I had damned I well get started as well. Good luck, and cheers to you Professor.