The Two and Only July 4th Birthday Bash

Brian Wilson and James Bovard together again to appreciate a 1st Amendment present from the Bench plus an a-typical holiday rant you won't hear anywhere else

(Transcribed from Substack - The Two and Only 4th of July Bash)

After 50-plus years in radio, tv, print, and advertising, I gradually became jaded toward the ads and programs loudly proclaiming the patriotic parts of America's birthdays. Too often these celebrations featured grisly stories from all of our battlegrounds of senseless wars invariably leading to young soldiers sailors marines getting blown to bits in some land you couldn't find on a globe for a cause that, in reality, didn’t have a damn thing to do with Freedom, Independence, Our Democracy, God-given Rights or Protecting Our Homeland.

Patriotism and propaganda being what they are and how they play with mind and emotion, got to a point that needs to be put in a stark perspective. The times we're living in are not folded into a bigger cliche. They are far more critical and dangerous to these "American values" that are now supposed to get you to drop $60+K on a  dangerous electric rip-off built on a monstrous lie, then turn over the balance of our rights to people you wouldn't allow pet your golden retriever.

So...

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, and people of all sexes, especially those of you still struggling with correctly differentiating the distinction between your naturally provided (mumph*) and the biological impossibility that has suddenly topped your socially embarrassing wish list with the notorious exception of Bud Light too-too wearers in clown make-up who never heard “moderation”, “normalcy” or “modesty” used in the same lifetime. The current administration of proven liars, public pedophiles, thieves, crooks, grifters, fraudsters and cocaine snorters have dictated to the otherwise clear-thinking, mumph* who actually name names, places, terminology, nature's body parts and personal private preferences may not be mentioned in private or public company for fear of offending the offenders, those who refuse to choose a wardrobe suitable for wearing in front of children. But haven't cha heard? They're coming for that 6 yr old. What if she's one of yours?

The offending of the majority is of no concern. These orders, edicts, pending legislation, regulation, and unconstitutional directives come from the office of a senile speech-stuttering professional gasbag who coddles a whore hoping, cocaine snorter, unregistered foreign agent who parlayed the old fart's name, rolled America and the Rule of law in the dung heap of the Biden Family larceny while studiously denying the existence of a granddaughter who doesn't get a fireplace stocking at Christmas – but the family dog does - all the while fondling little girls half her age not to mention the history of showers taken with a subsequently traumatized daughter. And you're gonna vote for this scum? Are these our celebrated American standards?

People have seen recent irrefutable evidence from the comfort of their own Barcoloungers only be referred to as Mumph or suffer the shame and consequences of having a keen eye for the obvious.

Those who savored the celebratory cry Happy Independence Day – just what is it you're so happy about? Fireworks? Private ownership remains mostly illegal in the Land of the Free. Is that how you display the thrill of independence? 'Gimme a sparkler, there my man!' How about the nationally televised contest of hot dog gluttony because nothing says Freedom quite like the close-ups of creating another ton of self-imposed morbid obesity on color TV – for which you will be body-shamed once you wipe the yellow mustard off your spiffy new Sketchers.  

But wait! That's Independence! That’s Freedom! Yep – lotta fine young men with unrealized futures are thrilled to have sacrificed their lives in indentured servitude of the local draft board or zippy promises of free college and medical care just for signing up to protect our God-given freedoms from some Middle East dictator with weird name and funny hat who we were selling the same bombs used to create more subterranean residents of Arlington. So they're dead and so are the still lingering promises. Ask someone in the care of the VA

But you memorized the lyrics to an Alan Greenwood song that, if sung loudly enough before the kickoff, might have had the same cleansing effect the Clearasil a bunch of those dead kids were starting to use. Of course, that stuff never penetrated to the moral bone of corn-cob-sucking generals who ran Hollywood-produced film clips of their many happy returns for the movie theater news crowd. But its the Freedom! Land of, Home of – really?

1st Amendment? . 3rd, 4rth 5th, 6th, 7th 9th 10th? Didn't you read Lost Rights? Freedom in Chains? You ain't got 'em anymore – except on a chunk of parchment for the tourists to slosh into the Logic Free Swamp and ogle their ancient history. Remember George Carlin – it's a big club and you ain't in it.  Perfect. Try 'free speech' in the People's House without permission from some power freak who's only in it for the bodacious bennies they award themselves for you to pay. There’s your real Sweetheart deal, Bub.  And your name doesn't need to be Biden.

2nd Amendment? Really wanna go there? Be sure to bring your Govt approved permission slip so everyone can admire your God Given Freedom. But hurry! It's just a brief SCOTUS decision away from disappearing like the others. And you can try to remember what you were supposed to do with your cold dead empty hands... You can get a decal for that over at the kiosk with an annual subscription…

So what is this Freedom you celebrate? That you unquestionably obey the nonsensical ravings of lunatic minds? It doesn't appear you really know the real meaning of 'Freedom' and you have little clue about 'Independence' unless it's served with an overdose of mind-altering Advertising Adrenalin big enough to block out basic reality.

Independence... Freedom...I don't think they mean what you've been lied into believing they mean.

• mumph: a made-up term for the Normal who still walk among us but must be referred to by onomatopoeia for social protection)